Hurt + Love = Forgiveness

   I'm sure we've all been hurt by someone whether it was their intention or not. It may not be something big, but as we grow older, the things that used to bother us don't matter to us anymore. We all have memories of a family member, friend, co-worker, coach, teacher, or someone else making an impact on our lives. Humans are not perfect, so that means we've had to deal with some hurt.

   This is a topic I've been struggling with lately because of recent events in my life. I won't go into details here, but I want to share some things that really helped me to see the bigger picture.

   Forgiveness. What do you think of when you hear that word? Well, for one, we don't hear it often enough in our culture; that is, we don't hear it by God's definition. In our culture, I feel that forgiveness has turned into pretending everything is fine on the outside while harboring anger and bitterness inside. Eventually, we're going to cave under all the pressure, and all the anger and resentment will spill out. It's tiring, isn't it? Keeping it all in so that no one will see?

   The real question is this: What is true forgiveness? The best example of this is what Christ has done for all those who are His. When we were lost, we felt this unmeasurable guilt upon us. We knew we were sinners and that if we died right then, we would go straight to hell. That's where we found Christ. We gave everything to Him; all our doubts, guilt, shame, fear, and anger. We gave our life up to Him because we knew that there was no way we could do anything on our own strength. When we gave up, Christ came and made us His. He replaced our sin with His perfect reputation so that in God's eyes, we would be white as snow. This is the ultimate demonstration of forgiveness.

   So, now that we know what real forgiveness is, doesn't that seem impossible now? I mean, sin is treason against God. It's like we had the worst criminal record in the world and He forgave all of it. That's a lot to wrap our head around. How are we supposed to do that for others who hurt us?

   It's not going to be easy. It's been said that nothing worth doing is easy, and it's so true. This is what we have to realize:

At the heart of forgiveness, there is love.

   Love. And again, we can go back and see that Christ's death was the ultimate demonstration of love for us. It's just as that verse says, "For while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 

He did everything for us before we did anything for Him. 

   So really, there's an important question that we have to ask ourselves. If we just come down to the very end of us, the question of "Why should I forgive?" becomes "Why shouldn't I forgive?" Christ did everything for us before we did anything for Him; therefore, we love because He first loved us. Forgiveness is an act of love towards someone. This leads us to our final point.

Forgiveness is not a face change. Forgiveness is a heart change.

   Romans 12 is an amazing chapter. It starts out with very well-known verses:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

   We are called to do as Christ did; that's how we worship Him. We renew our minds every day because it's not natural for us to think along God's lines. However, every day we can get closer and closer to Him and be transformed into what He would have us to be for Him.

   Verses 17-21 are what really hit home with this topic:

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

   When we forgive, we are not saying that what they did was right. We are saying that because Christ can forgive all, we can forgive all. Overlooking is not the same as forgiving. There are still consequences for sin, but we can choose to love so that they see the light of Christ within us. To forgive is hard. We have to replace our anger and bitterness in our heart with love and mercy. When we really do this, with God's help, the burden of the hurt we have is lifted from us. We don't have to carry that around any longer because we know that Christ will never leave us or forsake us.

   What hurt are you experiencing today? Have you talked to God about it? Have you prayed for that person? What is keeping you from forgiving that person?